Today-Stuff

I don't know what really happened today.......It wasn't a blurr but something I kinda want to forget except for a few things. Well, today during lunch Ben, Dan, and Mitchell kept staring at me and I am not sure why....I think they thought I was staring at them....I finally know who Zach P likes YAY!!! But yea....anyways. During bad Tyler was hitting me and then Matt H. said it isn't nice to hit girls and Tyler said dont' worry I'm not!! And I stopped and looked at him and he said I was an it. I mean normally I don't care but still I mean I hate that him and Ethan like run away from me....O well that seems to be the only thing people do unless teachers like Frau tell them too......Anyways then Tyler kept asking me if I was gay and then I was like girls can't be and he said I know that is why I am asking you.. So that hurt me really bad...A lot of people say that about me and it hurts.....And then today in cheerleading Frau told us to go as a group to go get medical forms well I went with Brittany, Paige and Brooke. Well, Paige started to run so Brit run after her then brooke came up and slowed by me and I started to talk to her and she ran after them....I hate Brooke right now....I am mad at Brit cause she tells me to wait for her yet she doesn't wait for me so screw her and Brooke......I dont' know Kay was nice to me today and Mal was too. But i was so sad and I mean people cared but no one cared like enough no one seemed too. NO one took me aside and talked to me....Emily tried but Brooke B. came I can only talk to Em, Mal and Kay about stuff.....I don't trust anyone else. I needed them but they didn't know that I almost was thinking about sucide then I thought no even though I dont' think I matter that much.....Then I thought about making me throw-up just to get out of cheerleading but those all were too drastic so I just delt with it.....here I am now.....Waiting still waiting and always will for that one friend that will be there at lunch, tough times, sad and depressing days and just there even if they aren't talkin at all , I guess I will have to wait and wait and wait and wait.

Bored

Sup?? I am so bored so I came to read my site and bost blogs and stuff......Well, out of 10 blogs now 11 only 1 comment made by Kayla. I think she is cool...and so is Mallorie....OMG I can't believe I have to wear Anne's skirt...She hates me so she probably is dreading that I out of all people am wearing her skirt. Right now I am listening to Someday by Nickelback it is a good song it is one of my favorites. I don't know what is going on in my life.....I liked Ben last night and a little bit this morning but I so totally don't anymore. Yay!! It is kinda fun not liking anyone.....I mean I think some guys are hott and sweet and if they asked me out I might consider it but still......Now I am listening to How Come by D-12. You know what I am so sick of Frau, I think a lot of people are.... I wish Jess was our couch now not next year....I might not do cheerleading next year.....Actually in a way I am in a depressed mood......For a few reasons....
-1)I don't really have true friends at school....I mean I have friends but no one I can always count one....I mean I can tell Mal stuff but when I sit by her and Brooke at Science they always ignore me. In a way I will always be an outkast.
-2)My dad is thinking about moving.......Away from Michigan......A few states to list: Flordia, Maine, Vermont, or somewhere on the coast like NJ and stuff or the oppisite way of OREGON...At first I was kinda like please no.....but I mean after school today I was like what the heck a few people would miss me at first but then they wouldn't care anymore.... I don't make that much of a difference.....if I do it doesn't seem like it no one really shows me that I do I mean in any way or form.
-3)I dont' know really I am just sick of life in a way i guess.........

See then people tell me or actually ask me if I would ever do sucide my anser is hec.................................................................NO!!! I don't think life can get so bad....even if it does and it has hit rock bottom then all that means is that it can only go up. I almost lost 2 of my friends to sucide and I still might lose one....I hate it they don't know how much they mean to me even though I try to tell one everyday but the one the is o.k. now...well i don't know....but the one that isn't I tell everyday that I love her and if I lost her I don't know what I would do.....I think I might totally go nuts..

People think I am nuts now well they have no clue what-so-ever........Nobody knows the problems that go on in my head and never will cause no one cares or even asks.....Well, I think I have typed a lot now so I am going to go now......I will write tomorrow

nuts

I think i am offically going nuts......being keep comparing me to Paige AHHHHHHHHH I am shaking realy bad I can't help it...... I hope Brooke F gets on soon I want to talk to her g2g

Hello

Well I told Kayla now about my blogspot and I am pretty sure I can trust her....Mallorie said I could. In fact I really don't know Kayla that good....I am not sure why I mean I know Mal pretty well. Well, today went o.k. I wanted Brooke F. to come over but she is going to Angie's instead. I am reading a good book it is called 'The Unbelievable Truth'. Well, nothing to bad is happening today.....I am kinda mad at Paige but not as much as I was yesterday...And Matt kept asking me if I was if she wanted to know she should have asked me herself. Well, I had just had apple pie and now I am drinking Code Red Mountain Dew which is my favorite....Well, I have no clue what to say....did you notice i say well a lot....O well....I wonder what Kayla is going to think when she reads this o well

ChElsEa B.

Long

I am kinda pissed at Sydney I mean not totally but I mean she in a ways said i was lame and told me to back up and that i don't know her well she doesn't know me either....i try and be nice to her and anne but i get sick of the fact that anne nvm i won't get into it but i don't know!!! I really like this guy and I know fro certain that I have no chance with him what so ever!!! It sux.....I mean you know I like thinking that i might have a chance just maybe but one person i told keeps sayin i won't and doesn't support me at all.......i try to support her with the guy she likes but i don't know....she likes him too i guess and so she tries to go at the one she only likes a lil more than the one i do but ever since i told her i like him she seems to try harder at him too

anyways...we had no power from wednesday untill friday morning it kinda stunk!! well i got to go to the hotel in frankenmuth so it wasn't all bad.....I got to go hot tubbing I LOVE HOT TUBS!!! well i am goin to go I guess.....nothing else to do but think, dream and live

~*~Chelsea~*~

Guys

You know what I am so darn sick of guys.........I have a crush on this guy and he likes Mallorie.......how is the world do I compete aganist that???..........I won't give up though.........I threw up today it kinda sucked.............Hey mallorie how was the incredibles???.................I don't know what in the world to do about my life anymore................breant is driving me nuts!!!!!!!!ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh I am sick of are darn christian school..................it is too darn strick...........You know what I saw Brooke B., Kirsten, Matt and Connor, Dan K., Brent P., and Mitchell today at the mall it was kinda weird seeing all these kids..............welll I am going to go now!

TKD

I just got back from TKD(karate) and it was alright it was kind of fun.....for once! Ian came to my class and I am not sure why.....but then once my class was almost over he left.....ODD! He talked to me for a little bit......he is cool. Brittany and I were talking and we were saying we want boyfriends.....I seriously wish I had a boyfriend I love having a boyfriend they are so cool.......Well I am not sure really what to write I need to ask Mallorie, Emily and Paige for their pictures........I hope they give them to me.....Well, g2g I want to talk to my friends......I will write later........

11-12

I want to say sorry to Mallorie....I forgot that I was going to pick up stuff....I am going out to eat soon then TKD I will either call u tonight or call u tomorrow. Well, today was ok..Wow I was just thinking the stuff I put in my journal words like:competing, die, cry. And I am not sure what else......Ok you know how in my other blog post thing I said I don't like people complaining about their life well.....I can't complaining to much because I am doing it too.....This is really the only place I can tell how I really feel......I really wanted to sit next to Mallorie today but see people aren't use to Mallorie wanting to sit by me so Emily B. Sat there......I didn't want to make a big deal about it though because it didn't really matter....It just shows about how my life goes.......People can't see ME sitting next to such a pretty, nice, and I don't know girl......I like Kayla as my friend too but I don't think or I don't know if I would tell her any of this......I barley decided to Mallorie any of this.....But I trusted her.......I am tryin to think and write about something else.....Let me think........O.k. this kinda has to do with Mallorie but Derek(who is my friend nothing more) is like so sad and he is like not full of life anymore but o well he will get over it and find another girl I am sure......Well, I will write stuff later I guess.......I AM SO SORRY MALLORIE

I officially do not like anyone......but I might have a crush on someone

Fun

I just got back from TKD......it was so much fun NOT!!! I got to see Ian and that was alright I can't wait to wear his watch tomorrow even though that sounds really weird. I am talkin to Angie on the phone.....she either sprained or chipped or broke her ankle......At first I thought she was faking it but I guess she wasn't.....Brooke, Paige and Brittany are mad at her.......I know why Paige is and she kinda has a right to be (no offense to Angie) But Brooke and Brittany don't. Especially Brittany I don't even know why she is.......Brittany is kinda a b*t*h sometimes...I mean she would so pick Paige over me and a lot of people would pick someone else over me.....In fact I can't think of one person that would wow....that is sad

(P.S-Sarah R. I don't know if I am her friend anymore because she told me that she didn't like Brooke T. and now she is like best friends with her and I mean I don't care that she is but I mean I wish she wouldn't have made a big deal about her before.......and ever since she liked Adam it is like we aren't even friends.....)

Today

Today was o.k. I guess......I am really sore from cheerleading I tried to do the splits and it hurt a lot......Well I am getting sick of the kids at our school I feel like I have to look and talk and all this crap a certain way for anyone to like me (guys I mean) I think the human species is too picky. I found out RT doesn't like me anymore.....bummer Doesn't it suck to know that the person you like doesn't like you anymore and then you are like good now I feel stupid for liking them......I don't think I like anyone right now......But not many people will believe me which sux....I write more later but it is almost time for me to go to TKD!!!

Hey I want to start off by thanking Mallorie.......but I still can't help but feel these things.....I mean I have no one that wants to go out with me if so they won't tell......I am definatley not the skinnest....I try to be myself but my friends just seem to think that I am too weird and thik I am crazy and that I don't belong.....maybe I should transfer I don't know....I have problems and you can't tell me I am wrong about that......I thikn I might need counsling for these stupid voices in my darn head.....You know how you want to look like someone....That you would do almost anything to look like them?...Well, I think that is how I kinda feel about a lot of people.....I can't help it we have so many good-looking girls at our school.......How am I suppose to compete?...


(P.S-Don't think I am trying to make people feel bad for me I am just telling what is on my mind at the time)
And everytime I try to fit into a group I get kicked out......

So Odd

Wow today was a very interesting day.......I ate 4 pieces of pieces there goes my diet....I was thinking of becoming anerexia or blemic i am not sure though....I like 3 guys now and none of them like me.....I am debating on one of them because he in a way is sick... I really have no clue waht to do with my life...I can't stand this stupid school....this stupid life....these stuipd adults and rules. I really don't know what to do....... I hate listening to my friends complain about their life well not that just more complain about things that want to do to themselves and sh*t like that.....well I am goin to go post a comment in my friend's bbl!